Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
