you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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