The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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