Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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