so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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