I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
