Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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