so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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