dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize