I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
