my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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