So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
