Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
operation harelip BJ is a go
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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