I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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