remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
