When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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