If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
