Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
