Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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