Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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