I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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