Where did you get a picture of my penis
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
