the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
