U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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