Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
