Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
