Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
