Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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