He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
