There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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