I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
