Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize