I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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