OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
