Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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