he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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