Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
