I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
