He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
