It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm like, not good at living.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
