watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
