Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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