we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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