i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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