I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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