I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
