Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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