This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
