I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
