u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
