I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
