He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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