i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
