I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Bring me that man meat
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize