I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We had to coat check the pizza.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
