dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
