At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
being pregnant is like rehab
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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