My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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