Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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