I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
