so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
