I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
