Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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