Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
