yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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