guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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