I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
