I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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