You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
