fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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