the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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