Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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