ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
