Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
