if i can run in heels then i can drive
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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