At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
