i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
