This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
