i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
FUCK WHALES
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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