When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
