i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm passing your future prison.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize