Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
