babies were throwing up all over the place
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
