you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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