the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
